Why, Lord?

From Psalm 18 (The Message):

The cords of the grave coiled around me;
the snares of death confronted me.

In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears.

Someone I'm very close to is dying. A dreaded disease has entangled itself around her organs and is slowly snuffing out her life. She is an extraordinarily positive person, and brave beyond my comprehension... both of which have likely kept her alive this long. But she is growing weary of the battle, I can sense it. I keep praying for a miracle... and believe He can touch her body if He chooses. That said, however, I want to walk a careful line between faith in Him and demandedness of Him.

It's kind of weird, but I've never had anyone really close to me die before - that is - except my grandparents and an elderly aunt and uncle. But somehow, my large nuclear family has managed to escape the inevitable loss of someone taken from us way before their time. Five brothers and sisters, with husbands, wives and kids,etc.... and yet, we've not had to deal with the shock of losing someone young. But I think we're about to experience a significant shock wave fairly soon. I feel so helpless. I'm 2000 miles away from my family, and really don't have the resources to do anything except throw out the occasional sound byte to God... "Lord, please heal her, give the family peace"... you know what I mean, don't you? Where's the power in that?

But tonight was different. Tonight was about much more than a sound byte to God. Tonight it all became real and powerful and searingly painful. Tonight I came to a whole new realization of the value each person brings into my life... especially family members - those I know more intimately. Tonight I got beyond my self-centered little world, and felt a tremendous amount of pain for someone I love... and as a result my heart is hurting deeply. I can't stop weeping. Why do people have to get sick? Why does death have to rob us of our togetherness? Why does life have to be so fragile and painful? Why do perfectly healthy, perfectly happy, perfectly young people have to suffer for no apparent reason... and why do we have to witness the beautiful gift of life slowly bleeding out of their body?

In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. There is one thing that is of great comfort in all this confusion and pain. Somehow, through the fog of our experience, the Lord reveals Himself as light in the darkness... He hears our cries for help. He may not answer our prayers in the way we would like Him to, but He does quiet our spirit when we're afraid. He does call us by name when we're feeling very alone and afraid. He does reassure us that He loves us very deeply and eternally when we're in deep spiritual pain.

Somehow, tonight was different... somehow, tonight my cry came before Him... tonight I prayed far more than a sound byte. And He heard me. He brought a sense of comfort to the person who is suffering. He brought His holy presence to someone who is in the darkest valley of their earthly existence. He poured out His anointing on a phone conversation, enabling two people to connect by means of His Holy Spirit. Tonight a prayer was heard, and felt, and answered. Tonight, we encountered together the One who is all too familiar with suffering and death... and He reminded me that He is also the One who was resurrected and lives for our sake.

Thank you, Abba, for filling our emptiness with your divine presence. Amen.