Two Weeks

(Deep breath)...

In 13 days, we'll be heading out on the biggest journey of faith that we've ever taken before. And lately I've been reminiscing about our journey here. Looking back, I guess you could say we stepped out in faith when we sold our home, packed up our stuff and moved to Kansas City six years ago so I could attend seminary. And yes, it was a serious step of faith for us... but it didn't really seem like it at the time... we didn't know anyone in the Midwest, had no place to live, no jobs, very little money... In fact, all we had was a 26 foot U-Haul truck full of stuff and lots of faith that God had called us there.

And indeed He did call us to Kansas City. Not just for a rich, holistic, life-changing master's education and the opportunity to learn new things about God... but also for the practical life experiences and the opportunity to learn new things about ourselves! One lesson we certainly learned (sometimes the hard way) is that yes, indeed, God was there to take care of us every step of the way... even when it seemed like times were very dark and our marriage might fall apart. Things simply fell into place... and we learned to depend on each other in ways that could have not come from our own wisdom or strength... it was truly the Master's hand guiding us. Strange, interesting, and thoroughly unpredictable events unfolded right before our eyes... all in all, those first few months were hard but very special to me and my family. All doubts about whether or not God had orchestrated our move (and our calling) - not us - were erased early on. I often struggle with knowing whether I'm following God's will or Jeff's will. The latter is not pretty... and I have many years apart from God to prove it!

Then, right at twelve months into our new life in Misery... uh, that is, Missouri, after the honeymoon period had worn off a bit and the finances were getting extremely tight... one of the biggest miracles of all took place... God called us to serve in a small church in the southern part of the city. The pastor and church board were looking for a seminary student who would simply be willing to serve part-time in exchange for living in their parsonage... a parsonage mind you, with four bedrooms, a full basement, and in a wonderful older neighborhood. Duh... It took me about three seconds to ponder the benefits of that deal! So, I paid them a visit that same day!

But, here we are, five years from that point, and two weeks from moving back to Washington State... and this revelation is really hitting me hard: I'm not going to miss the house one bit (and it has been a great place to live and raise our kids). Frankly, it's the people we're sad about leaving behind, not the building. Since we have the ever-hectic VBS planned for the last week of our time in the big city, the congregation threw us a big farewell party last night and laid hands on us to carry on the Christian tradition of sending us to our next assignment. The whole night was simply wonderful... and yet, it was terrible. I cried like a baby, and my wife cried even harder... and my nine year old daughter cried even harder than that! My 13 year old son didn't cry as much, but he didn't really say much either... he was too overwhelmed and choked up to speak. Good heavens, it was like an episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition... I don't know about you, but I can't make it to the end of that show without tears flowing... Nor can I say goodbye to the people who have been our friends, adopted family members, and our biggest supporters without feeling like my heart is being ripped in two.

It's funny, but I've been waiting for this moment for a very, very long time. I've watched many fellow students, a few fellow associate pastors as they left us for greener pastures, never to return... and oh how I longed for the day when it would be us leaving for a new ministry adventure. And now that it is literally upon us, I'm excited of course... but surprisingly I'm not joyful. There's a whole stew of emotions flooding my soul right now - sorrow about leaving some of the best people in the world behind... fear and trembling about what we're getting ourselves into in Ellensburg (more to come on that topic later)... joy that it's finally "our time" to be heading out into the wild blue yonder... and (this is a paradox)... even a bit of mourning that I'm not in school anymore. I never considered myself a natural student... I have a pastor's heart, and only came to seminary to learn how to think theologically (NOT to learn how to become a pastor)! Even though I hated reading all those books (the boring ones), and dreaded writing all those papers (the difficult ones)... I am mystified to say that there is a part of me that misses the challenge to engage my brain in the marketplace of ideas... and consider how that translates into pastoral ministry in the 21st century.

My God, I've been institutionalized! It's a good thing I'm leaving town, or I might someday get the crazy notion to work toward a D.Min. degree... Nah, I'm not that warped!

Nevertheless... God is calling us, of all things, to come home. The vision has been cast, the deal has been set, the call has been made, and plans have been executed... we are now officially past the point of no return. I know this is the right thing to do, but why doesn't He make it easier to leave one place as we prepare ourselves for whatever he has planned where we're going? Oh well... our old church will move on and we will move on... but not completely. Though time and distance may separate us... the love of God in Christ will bond us to those wonderful folks for all eternity.

Thank you for all generosity, patience, love and grace you have shown me and my family these past five years, Summit View Church of the Nazarene! We are profoundly grateful for what you've done to shape us and prepare us to serve in His kingdom.