On This Rock I Will Build My Church

So, I was talking with a friend today (talking with friends always helps me articulate my otherwise random thoughts)... and we got into a discussion about vocational pastoral ministry.

To be honest, I'm pretty confused (but that's okay - so is my friend). On one hand, I track really well with the Emerging Church philosophy and it's desire to "emerge" or rise up out of the paradigm of modernity and it's redefinition of the historic Christian faith. So much of what the church has become in America is rooted in consumerism and individualism and reason (as opposed to communal, kingdom living and tradition). This, in my estimation, has made doing church as much a professional business as it is a lifestyle. And as any fan of Willow Creek or Saddleback can attest (by their endorsement of megachurch)... the bigger the church empire (aka, ministry), the more power and influence it has in the marketplace... and therefore, the more resources it can sell to Christians with an insatiable appetite for finding the newest, best way yet to know and follow God with as little effort as possible.

On the other hand, however, I suppose I'm about as modern as they come in terms of vocational ministry. You see, I wandered my dispassionate way through the wilderness of meaningless jobs for most of my adult life. I was always fairly good at what I did... but I never could put my heart into my job. Let's face it, it's tough to get excited about selling forklifts, or coupon advertising, or office furniture... at least it was for me. But one day, I was talking to an associate pastor (yes, at a big church - I'm full of contradictions) about my thoughts on small groups, and another associate pastor, overhearing our conversation, came up and asked me, "Jeff, do you think God might be calling you into the ministry?" 

Wow... with one simple question, that pastor changed the course of my life forever. Yes, it may have taken me until I was 35, but that day, I finally learned what I want to do with my life when (an if) I grow up! Mind you, it took me another 8 years to prepare (formally, at least) for the ministry - but nevertheless, now I can't even fathom ever doing anything but pastoring a church. I firmly believe God created me to be a pastor... that's it, end of story. (Oh, God... somebody please call a doctor... I'm obviously deranged!)

But do you see my dilemma? The modern church is the perfect environment for a lifetime vocational pastor like me... right? After all, the bigger the church, the more accolades (and book deals?) that can be negotiated, and the higher the salary that can be demanded. [WARNING: Long sentence to follow - try to maintain your train of thought the whole way through!] But these so-called emergents - those house-church kind of folks who actually think spiritual formation and Christian discipleship is more likely to take place in someone's living room or out in the public square, than in a massive auditorium with colorful banners and professional worship music - don't think money should be what drives the heartbeat of the church. In other words, I want to pastor a church that - in theory - wouldn't want to pay a pastor.

Arrrrrgggghhh! To quote the Apostle Paul... WAY out of context in Romans 7:24-25, "I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind..." 

You know, when it comes down to it, I love the idea of a smaller, organic, missional, communal kind of church... a New Testament kind of church. But there's nothing wrong with the concept of God "adding to their numbers daily" either. I think if the church I'm pastoring ever had to deal with the "problem" of exponential numerical growth... the thing I would try to remember is that we are simply called to love God, love our neighbor, and love our brother... not build a church empire. That, in essence, is His job if He so desires. However, God can move mountains with a community of people sold out to His cause, be it a community of 12 (with an unpaid lay-pastor), or a community of 1200 (with a staff of vocational ministers).

Hmmm, someday, I hope to find where I really belong along that continuum. For now though, I'm pretty content with where God has put me (lonely as it may be sometimes)... and I kind of hope He shows me what can happen here in Ellensburg when ordinary people listen and obey the One who came to redeem all of creation and share the good news. Wow, what if this church-plant rose up to one day become a spiritual oak of righteousness??? What if lives were changed... hope was given... bondage was broken... hearts were turned?

Geez... how audacious is that...? Yet, how humbling... how exciting! 

Come, Lord Jesus! We want to see your church grow (deep and wide).